Chronicles of Christian
by Celestial Nightmare
Summary: A series of one-shots based on weird dreams I've had about Christian.
1. Shoes

**Chronicles of Christian**

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**A/N: Lately I've been having dreams about Christian/Jay [same guy] in which he does weirdass things. And I was requested to write them as fanfic XD so here ya go.**

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_**Shoes.**_

Christian leads an interesting life when he's not performing in the ring.

Often he finds himself searching for things.

Today he is searching for his shoes.

I look down the street and Jay is running around crazily. I'm shocked that it's him and approach him.

"Jason Reso?" I ask him, surprised I can form words.

"That's me." he says. Damn, he's pretty.

"I'm a huge fan of yours! Please can I have your autograph?" I say ever so politely.

"Sure but, first...PLEASE HELP ME FIND MY SHOES"

"OK, what do they look like?" I am surprised by this outburst.

"Shoes." he says, as if it's the most useful piece of information in the world.

"...OK." helpful.

So I help him find his shoes.

Trying to find lost shoes may sound normal.

But it's kind of weird when you're helping a hero do it, and you're so stunned that you're with them that you forget what shoes even look like- and that you're trying to find said shoes in the middle of a monsoon in your town that never has monsoons.

Anyway, here I am running around a flooded street for _hours_, getting _pounded_ by rain and hailstones, with Jay frantically searching for his shoes. I found them floating above a drain [white sneakers by the way- I remembered what shoes looked like!] and Jay hugged me with delight.

–

Now I'm standing in some sort of backstage office with a dragon plant in the corner [those things are pretty] and there's this black carpet and maroon walls. Jay walks in [dressed very nicely in a tight shirt if I might add] and he tells me we're backstage at a concert of a band which a couple of his best friends are in.

"Thankyou so much for helping me find my shoes. They mean a lot to me. Y'know, it can be painful walking around in bare feet." he says.

"No problem. I can't believe it's really you. I never thought I'd meet you; let alone meet you in my town in the middle of a monsoon to help you find your shoes."

"Haha yeah. Life can be strange." he grins.

And the whole time he was speaking he had his arm on my shoulder. How I didn't swoon is a mystery!

Then Brother Ray from the Dudley Boyz/Team 3D walks in and says the concert is about to start.

–

A short while later, me and Jay are in the middle of this awesome concert [who knew the Dudley Boyz could sing?!] and then unfortunately the concert comes to an end.

Then we're backstage again, and it's time for me to leave- something I sure as hell don't want to do.

"Could I have your autograph please?" I ask him, seeing as I didn't get it earlier.

"Sure." he says and smiles.

So I give him a poster of him to sign for me, and he signs it, then pulls out a baby picture of Mick Foley holding me, and autographs that too [yeah. I don't understand why either].

He hugs me again.

"It's been awesome meeting you." he says. My heart pounds.

"Likewise." I grin.  
"We'll have to meet up again sometime." he says. My knees buckle.

"That'd be great." I say. And then everything goes black.

I know. I did it.

I fainted.

When I come round he gives me his mobile number [if only the numbers were his real number and I could remember them!] and then I ride home on a motobike, ridden by Mick Foley [WHY MICK FOLEY?!].

–

Two weeks later, I meet up with Jay again and we go to London and spend the rest of the dream arresting crack addicts and shopping at Tesco's.

Fun times :]

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**A/N: I've had weirder dreams. I would like my subco****nscious to answer me; wh****y Mick Foley?**


	2. Global Warming

**Chronicles of Christian**

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_**Global warming.**_

Everywhere we go global warming is in our face. Propaganda everywhere telling us to cut down on carbon emissions, recycle this, don't do that. We can't escape it. We believe it's in our dreams that we can escape the flea that is global warming.

So when I had a dream about global warming, you can understand that I was rather ticked off.

Except...

A big auditorium in some fancy cathedral in Washington D.C [do they have cathedrals in Washington? Cathedrals are purty]. It is Summerslam tonight.

Enter Jay.

In a fancy suit [nice].

With Adam next to him. [wahey buy one get one free- I like these dreams.]

My brain is skipping with glee at the delight of having so much pretty in one dream.

Jay steps up to a microphone and begins to speak...

"We all know global warming is a big issue today,"

Dear God subliminal messaging is affecting my dreams. CURSE YOU T.V.

So I'm in the audience of this long long long speech by Jay about how humans have caused global warming and we should all turn off our cars and stop driving lights and start buying local food and stop eating energy-efficient lightbulbs blah blah blah blah blah.

After what feels like an age listening to Jay drone on about global warming [at least he was in it and talking though- could have been Mick Foley. Excuse me while I glare at my subconscious], Jay turns to Adam [who looks ready to kill with boredom] and says...

"Adam, won't you tell these people what you think of global warming?"

To which Adam replies [while wearing an oh-so-stylish death glare]...

"Jay. Shut the fuck up."

And the dream ends :]

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**A/N: It may sound like I'm sick of global warming and don't care about it. I do care about the environment. I just don't like global warming propaganda being stuffed in my fave everywhere I turn by hypocritical parasites who have massive gas-guzzling cars and big houses uses tons of electricity, or by those whose electrical appliances and cars run on their own smugness instead of fossil fuels.**

**...yeah.**


End file.
